Dealing With Being in a Long Distance Relationship

Sunday, 8 February 2015

There are often debates around whether or not long distance relationships can actually work or if they're destined to fail, I've always been a bit sceptical about this debate. Having had one long distance relationship fall apart, I was worried about entering into a new one. I met Emil when I was still at University, so for a couple of months we saw each other a lot, although at the time we weren't together. I then moved home once I graduated and we decided to get together, however, it's not been an easy ride. We live 150 miles away, Emil works 9-5, plus DJing and I'm doing my masters whilst doing shift work, this makes it very difficult to have matching days off. However, we have made it work so far and I'm really happy, so I thought I'd share with you my tips to a successful long distance relationship.

1./Speak Everyday
Anything from a text, call, skype or email is important. Emil and I text throughout the day when we're free and call in the evenings. I think this is really important because it's a great way to catch up with each other and feel like you've been part of each others day. We talk about everything from our days at work to what we had for dinner, but it's a way of staying close and allows us to talk about how we're feeling and helps the distance feel a little less daunting.

2./Plan Ahead
Where possible, try and plan when you're next going to see each other before you leave from visiting one another. We try and plan our next visits as far in advance as possible. This means that I always know when I'm next going to see him which makes things easier because I have something to work towards. I get excited by planning ahead and deciding what we're going to do together and it seems to make the time pass more quickly.

This is probably one of the most important aspects of a long distance relationship, if you don't trust each other it's unlikely to work. Both you and your partner are going to interact with members of the opposite sex on a regular basis, whether they're colleagues, friends or just members of the public and it's important that you don't feel insecure about it. Being insecure in your relationship is one of the most painful things ever, it can lead to false accusations, tears, arguments and a breakdown in the relationship. It's imperative that you build trust from the beginning of the relationship, otherwise it's never going to work and the distance will pull you apart. 

4./Make the Most of the Time You Spend Together
In a long distance relationship, time spent together is so precious and it's important that you make the most of it. This may mean nice meals out, days trips or just lazy days with pizza and a film, whatever it is, it's important that you cherish the time together because it then gives you something to hold onto during your time apart.

5./Find Something You Both Like
This is a great way to give you something to chat about and share with one another even if you're not together. This could be a TV series or the latest fashion trend etc, but whatever it is, it draws you together. Emil and I always have a TV series that we watch together and it's a great way to chat and discuss things we both enjoy, So far we've watched 'Suits', 'Orange is the New Black' and we're currently on 'Luther'.

6./Know Each Other's Schedule
Not to the point that you stalk each other, but it does help if you're worried when they don't reply to your text/you're unsure what time you can talk. Being apart from one another can send your imagination into overdrive when you're expecting a text, but haven't heard back in about 5 hours, knowing that they're in a meeting/studying can prevent that. Also, it helps for me to tell Emil when I'm studying so that he doesn't think I'm being off with him if my texts are abrupt, but that I'm just in the middle of an essay etc.

7./Stay Positive
Positivity is key, if you start being negative about where things are going or the distance, then you start doubting the relationship. It's hard to be upbeat when you haven't seen each other for a few weeks and you're having a bad day, but it's so important to remain positive as it'll keep you on track and help you to enjoy the time you do get to spend together.

8./Enjoy the Time to Yourself
If you spend all your days missing your partner, it will make the distance seem harder and will only make you miss them more. Instead, make plans, see friends, find hobbies etc, it can be refreshing at times to not feel like you have to constantly plan around your boyfriend/girlfriend. Keeping your mind occupied can help the time pass more quickly and before you know it, you'll be reunited with one another.

Although I try and follow these steps, it is difficult being in a long distance relationship and it's not always easy to stick to the points I've just mentioned. I look at couples who live together or see each other on a regular basis and I envy that so much, I wish I could see Emil whenever I wanted or that when I have a bad day I can just hug him and for him to reassure me that everything will be okay. Having said that, it is possible to maintain a long distance relationship and if being with Emil means I have to travel 150 miles or that I have to wait 3 weeks until I see him, then I wouldn't change that for the world.

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